Some people say human beings are the only ones capable to commit the same mistakes over and over again. Well, they’re absolutely right, and yet they’re not. Or at least that’s what I say to myself to make me feel better about doing the same crappy mistakes all over again, especially when it comes to dating. I don’t know why or how, but I just seem to have a magnet for jerks and fuckboys. Sure, you’d say that by now I should already have developed a sensor to spot these type of guys at the minute, and yes, I can tell, but some part of my brain that seems to love being damaged has a sort of leader voice that ends up being so convincing that I end up yielding to it.
So, I’m not going to tell you the story of my life because it would be too embarrassing. But let me tell you some of the things I’ve learned through this horrible and emotional rollercoaster I’ve been through. The first lesson of all –and I think I’m still on the process of understanding and embracing it– is that I have to stop feeling bad about myself every time I end up following the same pattern. Let me explain. You know how these people are: they approach you, and even when you know they might not be on the same page when it comes to relationships and commitment, there’s something about them that lures you. So, naturally, after having my heart broken some days after we started dating, I had this terrible image of myself being so stupid. And those feelings kept coming and growing as the fuckboy changed. So, I figured out that if I was to fall for the same thing again, I shouldn’t really feel bad about myself, but enjoy the moment and, perhaps, learn something.
You might have a terrible impression of me right now, but not as terrible as the one I actually had when I was going through all this, but let me tell you I don’t regret anything. I’m actually thankful it all happened that way, since it really helped me figure out some things. Somehow I used to believe I was such a rebellious person who constantly teased my friends who dreamed of finding that special someone, marrying them, and having kids. But after that chain of mistakes, I got to see what I really want in a relationship. So perhaps, I still don’t want that fantasy life my friends long for, but I do know that I want a serious relationship with someone. So, yes, I probably wouldn’t have noticed if it weren’t for those fuckboys I dated.
It’s not just a matter of knowing what you want in life, since things might change in the blink of an eye. Certain experiences in life can make us change our mind even without knowing it. For instance, I’m quite sure that my friends aren’t even close to achieving their goal of marrying Prince Charming before their thirties, because they’re so obsessed with that ideal that as soon as their partners do something different to what they’ve always dreamt, they immediately end their relationships. After these unsuccessful dates, I realized that, even when they weren’t something I wanted, at least I had the chance to know something new, and so I learned that I should always keep my mind open and enjoy the moment as it comes.
After the different experiences I had, I also learned that honesty is the first thing you should prioritize in any relationship. I know it’s weird to meet someone and tell them what you’re looking in a relationship right away, but after having my heart broken a few times, I’ve learned that it’s better not to have your hopes high and just tell them where you want before things advance. In the same way, I’ve noticed that the moment you decide to be honest, others follows the example. Yes, even fuckboys. This gives you the chance to decide whether you just want a fling or walk away.
Finally, and probably the most important thing, it has taught me to be strong and put myself before anything else. I used to be one of those people who opened their emotions as soon as they met someone that attracted them, so whenever things didn’t work out, I would be devastated. It sounds kind of sad, but with experience you learn how to protect your emotions and function only with your mind, so when you encounter one of these fuckboys, you’ll already know you’re not exposing yourself emotionally, and perhaps you can even enjoy the short relationship, since you’re not expecting it to evolve into a serious relationship. I know people who say that we should only seek what we’re looking for. But honestly, you only grow and mature from experience, from making mistakes, and from being hurt, so that’s why I’ve never regretted going out with these type of people. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how devastating it can be, you end up learning valuable lessons about yourself.
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Images by @aprilloyle