We’ve all been there. It’s a boring night in, you’re going through your Netflix but aren’t feeling it. You feel like drinking but not inside. And not alone. Everyone’s got something better to do. So, what do you do? Re-open your Tinder account, of course, or any of your other dating, hookup, and meet-up apps. After swiping left for a while, you realize that it might be more entertaining to be looking through these profiles than actually getting a match. Why? Because by then you’ve probably encountered the one with the horse, the yacht, or worse, the puppy.
I remember the first time I signed up on Tinder. It took about fifteen or so swipes left for me to encounter the guy trying to win me over with the picture of him riding a horse while at a country club, or something like that. I was a little confused. I mean, what was he trying to do? Was I supposed to be fanning myself like a Jane Austen character over his overt manliness? Or was this his way of letting me know he’d be able to provide for me financially, since he could afford an equestrian get-up. Then came picture number two. This one was a shirtless pic at a frat pool party of some sort. I say this because the picture included about nine guys, sans shirts. His caption said something close to, “Looking for good conversation and fun. No crazy girls.” How stupid of me for swiping left.
It seems like in this day and age, when our society appears to be veering more and more towards massive narcissistic personality disorder, we’re likely to encounter people like Mr. Country Club almost every day. Online or not. The problem with apps is that the thrill for self-promotion is too tempting. They can’t seem to help placing themselves as a product. It’s no longer about getting dates or hookups. In fact, that might be their lowest interest, since everyone on the platform will be considered beneath them. The turn on lies in them being hailed or adored.
According to Julie Beck’s piece, “How to Spot a Narcissist Online,” “ ‘Narcissists’ preferred online haunts have changed, are changing, will change, and researchers are trying to keep up. What’s clear is that narcissists will go where they can get an audience.”
So what if Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter no longer provide the same rush? What if it’s all getting a bit quiet and tedious? The narcissist looks for a new place where they can put up the best pictures of themselves, as well as catchy phrases and intros. They’ll create an entire online persona to present and dazzle their spectators with. This elaborate scheme will turn into a game where they can measure and quantify this character they’ve created.
It sounds a bit crazy right? I mean, who would do all that? Well, actually we all do it. To a different extent of course. But think about all those times that you took a picture because you knew it would get tons of likes. That day when you were feeling a bit off so you posted a comment you were sure would get people asking you if you were all right. Or even that one morning when you wanted to cheer yourself up so you found an inspirational quote, probably from Gandhi, to let the world know you’re strong. Face it, we’ve all done it. Does this mean we’re all narcissists? That’s a difficult question. While our modern society could be considered to having this sort of disorder, we’re also pretty lonely compared to other eras.
Perhaps the best antidote to our narcissistic tendencies is to have a life outside of social media. When we’re surrounded by people who care for us, we stop feeling the need to look for admirers elsewhere. We can be our genuine selves without having to put on theatrics. So if you’re still wondering about that random person who sent you a bizarre opening line or a picture you’d rather un-see, think about the ways in which you’re also that dude on a horse. Trust me, we’ve all been that guy at least once.
You might be interested in:
Be Open To Failing Before Being Successful
Can Unrequited Love Make You Stronger?
Sources:
The Atlantic
The New Yorker
Images from Tinder Nightmares
