The other day I was just wasting my time on Facebook as we all do and saw the trailer of Katherine Heigl’s latest movie, Unforgettable. Here she plays Tessa, a woman who’s just divorced but never really got over the breakup, secretly hoping she would get back with her ex for her and her daughter’s sake. However, he soon falls for another woman who was abused by her last boyfriend. Not being able to deal with the new woman, who seems to be getting along quite well with her daughter, Tessa starts stalking and messing around with the new girlfriend in a very obsessive and creepy way. The movie seems to be a thriller, and apparently we’ll see how jealousy and obsession can lead to very sickly attitudes. Although the movie seems to expand on the idea of what happens when your ex moves on before you do, this is taken to another level, but judging only the trailer of the film, I would say there are things Tessa experiences that we all go through in these situations. Naturally, they are kind of exaggerated for the film’s purposes. So, what are these attitudes and why do they hurt so bad?
Jealousy
So, you’ve broken up with that person for whatever reason, but somehow you still feel some sort of connection with them. Naturally, it all depends on how the relationship was like and how it ended. But in general terms, it’s quite common to still have certain feelings for them. Suddenly, while browsing on Facebook you see a picture of your ex with someone else. Of course, you feel jealous of seeing another person taking your place just like that when you just broke up. But this jealousy goes beyond that. It’s also related to the fact that your ex was able to move on faster and easier than you, and you wonder why you didn’t.
Pain
Then you start feeling pain. You feel somehow betrayed, but more importantly, you’re heartbroken because the idea of getting back together with them is now shut. You didn’t really want to go back with them, but knowing that the door is closed makes you feel bad. Curiosity then becomes a bit creepier and you start browsing for more information about your ex’s new relationship, so if there’s an image or a comment mentioning something they did and that you used to make with them, the pain grows bigger. I mean, that was your thing, right?
Rage
This pain suddenly turns into rage, how could that person replace you that easily and why would they take your replacement to the same places? Moreover, what makes you so angry is that while they’re happy enjoying their new romance, you’re there bitter and alone, trying to move on while they’re parading their happy life right in front of you.
Vengeful
So, basically, you want that person to feel the same (although you know that deep down they’ve really moved on). You either hook up with someone or start posting pictures on your Facebook. Now, I’m not going to say “don’t do that.” Well, perhaps the picture thing is kind of obvious, but doing it just to prove a point won’t really help. You know that’s kind of lame, but that previous rage moves you to make it.
Diminished
When our ex moves on fast, and starts a relationship with someone new, we feel replaced and thus, unworthy. We tend to see it as an upgrade when that’s not necessarily the case. Still, it’s normal to start comparing ourselves with our “replacement” and noticing some of their traits.
Relief
However, when you’re analyzing the new person, it’s also easy to notice the flaws, but more importantly, this is the moment when you remember why the relationship ended. Perhaps there were some attitudes about your ex you didn’t like, and then you just feel relieved because you don’t have to endure them again.
Naturally, these feelings don’t apply to everybody, since each breakup experience and reason is different. Perhaps, you didn’t really want to break up with the person but they wanted to, or the other way around, and in that case, the reactions can be quite different. The only thing I can say is that if the relationship is over, you don’t have to feel bad if they move on so fast. Each person has a determined process to heal, and perhaps your time is coming soon. It isn’t really a competition to see who suffers less. Moreover, if you find out they’ve started a new relationship, you shouldn’t really assume anythings. This doesn’t really mean the other person has moved on. Finally, the only thing you should be worrying about is yourself, so focus on that!
Images by @jethroalaba
Check these out:
10 Reasons Why The Girl Who Flirted With You Has Moved On
6 Things We’re Told To Do After A Breakup
