Confidence. That’s what everyone tells you: if you seem confident, you have a better chance of getting what you want. It seems to be true; the more confident I feel, the better I normally do in my day to day activities. But it’s far more complex than that. This simple word can be broken down into small behavioral traits that you can consciously incorporate into your interactions with other people. Thanks to science, confidence has stopped being some vague tip that parents everywhere tell their kids, but actual things you can do and whose effect is backed by studies. There’s one thing both behavioral psychologists and life coaches seem to agree on: first impressions are crucial in order to be immediately liked and/or get what you want, and they’re made fast. Jean Baur, a career expert, explains that it takes an average of three seconds for a person to decide whether you are nice and trustworthy enough to do business with. A study by Alexander Todorov, profesor at Princeton, is even harsher, as it states that people make a first impression in less than a tenth of a second. The key to it, then, is preparation, lots of it. So let’s get to it.
Think of yourself as an object on sale. Karla Starr, a journalist who’s currently writing a book on the science of luck, explains that meeting someone activates the same areas in the brain needed to assign prices to things. And what’s the first thing that catches your attention when buying stuff? How it looks. If something seems cool, you’re far more likely to want to spend money on it. That’s why Baur highlights the importance of looking the part. It’s not vanity, but survival. Clean up, trim, and cut whatever you need to trim and cut, and dress in clothes that suit you and make you feel comfortable and inspire your inner confidence.Once you look the part, it’s time to act the part. Todorov’s study suggests that you put on a happy face, since it’s more appealing to a person than a serious one and it increases trustworthiness. Don’t forget to look the person in the eye; it’s the mark of a smart individual who’s unintimidated by others. Maintain body control as well. Don’t fidget or let hand gestures get out of control. You need to look at ease with the situation.Okay, so now that you look and act like a cool, sane person, it’s time to sound worthy of friendship and respect. Enter Phil McAleer, a Scottish psychologist who studied the importance of voice in the development of trustworthiness in other people. He discovered that deep voices in men can transmit a feeling of aggressiveness to the listener. This is kind of a bummer if you’ve a baritone tone, but otherwise it might help you be conscious about the level of your voice, so you might keep it in check when first meeting someone. For women, on the other hand, dropping the tone of their voice when finishing a sentence makes them seem more trustworthy and confident.
Finally, the piece de resistance: the handshake. Turns out it’s actually not that big of a deal, so long as you don’t do something weird… Remember Trump and Macron in Belgium? Yeah, just use that as a reference of what to absolutely never do and you should be fine. Keep it firm, but relaxed enough so you don’t seem like you’re about to rip the other person’s arm off and use it to sign your exit from the Paris Agreement.
All in all, these are simple tips that will help you when meeting someone new. But don’t overthink too much, for longer term relationships, it will eventually come down to personality. Just be yourself and try to not to act like a d**k, that always helps. Images by tylerrayburnphotography *Want to know more on human relationships? Check out these: Seven Secrets You Have To Keep To Be Successful Learning How To Bend The Law Of Attraction To Your Favor
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