In the never-ending world of dating trends, it feels like every month there’s a new word to describe something people have probably been doing forever. First, it was ghosting, then benching, and recently monkey-branching. Now, meet “Shrekking” — a buzzword inspired by the green ogre from Shrek that’s currently sparking debates online.
So, what exactly is it? And why are experts warning against it? Let’s break it down.
What Does “Shrekking” Mean?
The idea comes straight from the fairy tale twist in Shrek, where Princess Fiona chooses love with an ogre over a conventionally handsome prince. In modern dating terms, Shrekking refers to “dating down” — choosing a partner you don’t find physically attractive, assuming they’ll treat you better or be more loyal because they aren’t constantly sought after.
Sounds logical at first glance, right? But experts say the reality is very different. According to relationship coaches like Amy Chan and Emma Hathorn, physical attractiveness has nothing to do with how kind, respectful, or committed someone is. In fact, believing that “ugly” equals “nice” is a trap that could leave you just as heartbroken.
Why Is It Going Viral?
Part of the reason this trend exploded is because of the funny name. Shrek is the ultimate symbol of “ugly but lovable,” so the term instantly caught attention on TikTok, Reddit, and Instagram. People are joking about it, making memes, and sharing personal stories of “dating down.”
But here’s the thing: while the name is new, the behavior isn’t. For decades, people have believed that dating someone “less attractive” might guarantee loyalty or extra effort in a relationship. What Shrekking does is package that old belief in a pop culture reference, making it instantly viral.
Still, many online users are pointing out the underlying problem: framing relationships as “dating up” or “dating down” is shallow and toxic. It reduces love to a ranking system instead of focusing on emotional connection.
@jaxitodwyer Have you been Shrekked?
What Do The Experts Say?
The warnings are clear: settling for someone just because you think they’ll treat you better rarely works out. Without genuine attraction — whether physical, emotional, or intellectual — relationships can quickly feel unsatisfying.
Instead of playing the “ugly vs. attractive” game, experts recommend looking deeper. Shared values, emotional compatibility, kindness, and respect are far better indicators of a healthy relationship than appearance alone. And yes, attraction matters too, but it doesn’t have to be instant or based on conventional beauty standards.
So… Is Shrekking Bad?
Not necessarily “bad,” but definitely misguided. Believing that someone’s looks guarantee how they’ll behave is just as shallow as dating someone only for their appearance. The truth is, neither beauty nor “ugliness” can predict whether someone will be a good partner.
At the end of the day, the real takeaway isn’t about settling for less — it’s about being intentional. Ask yourself: Does this person respect me? Do we share values? Do I feel a genuine connection that could grow over time?
