By Diana Garrido
Have you heard the term “stashing”? Have you ever been “stashed”? Are you a victim of “stashing”? Find out with this quick checklist:
If you answered yes to five or more, I’m afraid you are being “stashed.” This is a cruel and petty form of emotional violence.
Currently, life depends a lot on what others do or say about our social media. For instance, popularity is measured by likes per picture; how much money a band makes depends on how many times their song has been listened to in an app; and we measure love through profile pics. Nowadays, it’s easier to end a relationship with someone through WhatsApp than seeing them and talking face to face. Therefore, the new ways of undermining a relationship are also intrinsically connected to social media and the internet.
Stashing is one of the most popular forms of online cruelty towards your partner, but it is also one of the least visible. It consists of a long and painful silence from one of the two involved parts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other social media app.
While your friends post photos with their own partners and comment hearts and emojis aplenty, your partner never posts anything about the two of you, they don’t comment on your photos and never like your latest Instagram selfie. They are, in effect, hiding you from their virtual world.
At first glance, it may seem irrelevant, or maybe you think that there is no reason to be alarmed, since what you live in real life with that person is more valuable. However, it does matter, and it is painful. Although it also occurs in real life, virtual stashing is more public and, therefore, cruel. However, it’s best to proceed with caution because one thing is stashing and another thing is having no interest at all in social media. That is, if they are very involved in it and constantly post about their life, then it is a possible case of stashing. No matter from how many angles you see it, there is a problem. The first person to coin the term was journalist Ellen Scott from Metro UK:
“In that way they pretend that they are not dating the person, and they can justify going out with other people; because they are simply inconsiderate with the other, or simply afraid to show their feelings for someone else.”
Another psychologist specialized in sex education, Fernando Villadangos, believes that it happens for reasons of social status instead:
“Many people treat others as a consumer products. Just as you might like to have a spare milk box in the fridge, there are people who collect relationships without committing themselves emotionally. They show interest and false seduction techniques to hook the other person and thus never lack someone to date.”
If you think you are being a victim of stashing, regardless of the motives, you should know that there is a way to solve it, and that is with communication. Ask them what is happening, and if there is a specific problem with you that bothers them. Ask them to clarify the status of the relationship, and if there is a way to solve it without ending the relationship. Maybe it’s time to say goodbye no matter how long it has lasted. Remember that a relationship like this will not get you anywhere. It may seem exaggerated to break up because of a like on Facebook; however, it can be a way of seeing whether your partner is really interested in a serious relationship with you, or if they are not sure about you. If that is the case, stop wasting your time.
Share your stories with us!
Have you been a victim of this or another form of emotional abuse? How did you deal with it? Let us know and share your experience with the world. Send a 500-word article to storyteller@culturacolectiva.com
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